The Sexologist’s Wife

I’m not kinky. When people find out I’m married to a sexologist, I’m pretty sure this is the first thing they assume. We don’t have a dungeon, nobody’s peeing on anybody, I’m not bisexual, and he’s not wearing my panties right now. Sorry.

Then again, we live in San Francisco, we’re poly, and we run in a pretty sex-positive crowd. So my definition of kinky might be different from yours.

My husband just got back from a couple of conferences, which means he has lube samples, a ridiculous amount of new toys, and a whole lot of inspiration. One of the toys is an intensely heavy insertable wand-thingy (that’s the technical term) that just scares me. I get it – it’s supposed to stimulate your G-spot – but it’s so heavy! I mean, what happens if I drop it while it’s inside of me? Yikes.

But, you know, Sunday afternoon and nothing to do. Well, not nothing. The house is messy and I need to do laundry and I got so involved working on a project that I never left the house today. But, you know, Sunday afternoon and a flotilla of new sex toys to be tried out.

First up, a feather tickler. It kinda looks like a feather duster, but smaller and prettier. And not dusty. I was dying to try this one. I love how a light tickling on your skin makes you feel awake and aware of your whole body. I recommend closing your eyes so you don’t know where you’ll be tickled next. This one was definitely a winner.

Then we tried the Womanizer – the worst product name in sex toy history. Who’s on their marketing team?! It’s also advertised as having a 100% orgasm guarantee, which is pure bullshit. So I was predisposed to not liking this one. It has a little “cup” thing (more technical terms!) that vibrates and has suction. You place that over your clit and it’s supposed to be magic. Somehow for me it kinda varied between not enough and too much sensation. But I admit, it did eventually get the job done.

njoy pure wandAnd last up for today was the absurdly heavy metal toy. The pure wand is really pretty – smooth, shiny, graceful. And scary heavy. Seriously, can I be the only one questioning the usefulness of that much weight in this area? At any rate, we tried this one out with some silicone lube (be careful of your sheets and don’t use any other silicone toys afterwards!). It’s… meh. I don’t get it. The hardness is kinda off-putting for me because my muscles squeeze so hard when close to orgasm, and it requires *management* because you do NOT want that thing to slip out of your hand or for your grip to loosen while you’re using it. At best it was fine, at worst it was slightly uncomfortable. Sorry, njoy, it just wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m sure there are plenty of folks out there who would love it.

Oh, and there was some partner sex in there too – did I mention that? The tickling part was just too yummy; some plain ol’ fashioned P-V sex became absolutely necessary. We’ll have to try out some of the toys for him another day, because I’m exhausted.

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